G.
05-05-06, 04:51 PM
There a big *** thread over at dolans, about a guy writing a college paper in "The Split". As some of you know, Defender posts there.
This post, from Tony Johns had me ROLLING.
Please note, if this topic turns into a Defender bash, it will be closed. If your comments cannot be limited to Tony's wit (or lack thereof, IYHO), please don't reply. (thanks)
dolans (http://www.mikescomputersllc.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4555&start=225)
"Tony Johns
Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Posts: 1783
Location: In a van down by the river
Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 11:50 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(SOUND OF PHONE RINGING.)
Professor: Hello?
Defender: Is this markm55543's teacher?
Professor: Um. Who?
Defender: markm55543. He's in your class. He wrote a paper on the American open-wheel split.
Professor: Oh yes, I know who you're talking about. But his name's Mark, not markm55543.
Defender: Well, that's the only name I know him by.
Professor: Hmm. Yes, I'm Mark's professor. What can I do for you?
Defender: I'm calling to complain about the lazy, unoriginal, and ethics-deprived manner in which you graded his essay. From where I sit, nothing in that paper deserved the high marks it received, and moreover I believe that you are doing the educational community a disservice with your invalid and totally unwarranted praise of such a trite little diatribe.
Professor: I'm sorry, who are you again?
Defender: You need only refer to me as "Defender." I cannot reveal my true identity, but suffice to say I have intimate knowledge of not only the racing and media industries, but also of proper educational procedure and grading practices in your line of work. I live in the real world. Obviously you and Mark do not.
Professor: Who is this really? Is this Carl from the English department? Are you putting me on again, Carl? I told you after you stole my parking space--
Defender: No, I'm not Carl. I am Defender. I defend the indefensible. Except in this case, because Mark's paper is indefensible and I'm not about to defend it.
(A PROTRACTED SILENCE ENSUES.)
Professor: Well, "Defender," I'm not quite sure why you're calling me, but Mark's paper was fairly well-organized and researched for the requirements I put forth in the assignment.
Defender: It was not well-organized or well-researched at all. It is a garbled mess of tripe that routinely spews from the pens and keyboards of virulent champcar fans -- oh, and please note that I'm saying "champcar" as one word and with lowercase letters in order to clearly illustrate my contempt for the organization and its fans.
Professor: You just split an infinitive.
Defender: What?
Professor: You said, "to clearly illustrate." That's a split infinitive. That's the lazy way to add impact to a sentence. You should have said, "In order to illustrate clearly."
Defender: Wh... Hey! Who is righteously criticizing who here?
Professor: "Whom."
Defender: Shut up!
Professor: Sorry.
Defender: Thank you. Now, when are you going to change Mark's grade to the rightful "F-minus" his paper so richly deserves?
Professor: I'm not. He got an "A" and he's keeping his "A."
Defender: You realize you are simply allowing a set of false stereotypes and poorly-researched propaganda to fester and unfairly color the image of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the IRL, and Tony George by being lax in your grading, don't you?
Professor: I'm sorry, how do you know Mark again?
Defender: From the Internet. We post on the same message bo--
(CLICK.) "
This post, from Tony Johns had me ROLLING.
Please note, if this topic turns into a Defender bash, it will be closed. If your comments cannot be limited to Tony's wit (or lack thereof, IYHO), please don't reply. (thanks)
dolans (http://www.mikescomputersllc.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4555&start=225)
"Tony Johns
Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Posts: 1783
Location: In a van down by the river
Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 11:50 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(SOUND OF PHONE RINGING.)
Professor: Hello?
Defender: Is this markm55543's teacher?
Professor: Um. Who?
Defender: markm55543. He's in your class. He wrote a paper on the American open-wheel split.
Professor: Oh yes, I know who you're talking about. But his name's Mark, not markm55543.
Defender: Well, that's the only name I know him by.
Professor: Hmm. Yes, I'm Mark's professor. What can I do for you?
Defender: I'm calling to complain about the lazy, unoriginal, and ethics-deprived manner in which you graded his essay. From where I sit, nothing in that paper deserved the high marks it received, and moreover I believe that you are doing the educational community a disservice with your invalid and totally unwarranted praise of such a trite little diatribe.
Professor: I'm sorry, who are you again?
Defender: You need only refer to me as "Defender." I cannot reveal my true identity, but suffice to say I have intimate knowledge of not only the racing and media industries, but also of proper educational procedure and grading practices in your line of work. I live in the real world. Obviously you and Mark do not.
Professor: Who is this really? Is this Carl from the English department? Are you putting me on again, Carl? I told you after you stole my parking space--
Defender: No, I'm not Carl. I am Defender. I defend the indefensible. Except in this case, because Mark's paper is indefensible and I'm not about to defend it.
(A PROTRACTED SILENCE ENSUES.)
Professor: Well, "Defender," I'm not quite sure why you're calling me, but Mark's paper was fairly well-organized and researched for the requirements I put forth in the assignment.
Defender: It was not well-organized or well-researched at all. It is a garbled mess of tripe that routinely spews from the pens and keyboards of virulent champcar fans -- oh, and please note that I'm saying "champcar" as one word and with lowercase letters in order to clearly illustrate my contempt for the organization and its fans.
Professor: You just split an infinitive.
Defender: What?
Professor: You said, "to clearly illustrate." That's a split infinitive. That's the lazy way to add impact to a sentence. You should have said, "In order to illustrate clearly."
Defender: Wh... Hey! Who is righteously criticizing who here?
Professor: "Whom."
Defender: Shut up!
Professor: Sorry.
Defender: Thank you. Now, when are you going to change Mark's grade to the rightful "F-minus" his paper so richly deserves?
Professor: I'm not. He got an "A" and he's keeping his "A."
Defender: You realize you are simply allowing a set of false stereotypes and poorly-researched propaganda to fester and unfairly color the image of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the IRL, and Tony George by being lax in your grading, don't you?
Professor: I'm sorry, how do you know Mark again?
Defender: From the Internet. We post on the same message bo--
(CLICK.) "